What does it mean to be the “first ever annual”? Isn’t that something of a contradiction in terms? If it’s annual, it’s not the first, and if it’s the first, it’s not annual (yet). Is there some sort of time paradox involved? We suspect we’ve fallen down the very public relations rabbit hole the City of Hot Springs had in mind by titling its entry into St. Patrick’s Day festivities worldwide as the First Ever 22nd Annual World’s Shortest St. Patrick’s Day Parade, which takes place Monday in downtown Hot Springs.
Beginning at 6:30 p.m., the parade will again (for the first time?) travel the 98-foot length of Bridge Street, the World’s Shortest Street in Everyday Use, this year under the Grand Celebrity Marshal-ry of actress Valerie Bertinelli. I remember Ms. Bertinelli from the hit 1970s sitcom “One Day at a Time,” which my mom insisted on watching along with “The Waltons” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Bertinelli later married the late guitar maestro Eddie Van Halen, whose wizardry is still missed.
Rapper and hype man Flavor Flav will kick things off as the official parade starter, and Grand Funk Railroad will give a free public performance in the parade area on Sunday. Tribute band The Molly Ringwalds will also play a free show on Monday after the parade. For athletes with no particular athletic ability, there’s the Zero K race on Sunday. Oh, and if you have any interest in seeing the International Order of Marching Irish Elvi — that is, a group of Elvis Presley impersonators that are a consistent part of the St. Patrick’s Day festivities in Hot Springs — you’ll want to line Bridge Street along with thousands of other green beer-swilling spectators.
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